Crop Dusting

“Poor Decisions Make for Better Stories”



“Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailant must suffer it.”

     This run, as so many of my runs do, started with a random thought in the middle of the night. My run started this morning, after a sleepless night, at Cooper Gap on the Appalachian Trail. I had a camel pak full of water, a fist full of gels, 4 mini clif bars, a zip lock bag of M&M’s, and a huge smile on my face. Up Sassafrass Mountain, down into Horse Gap, up out of Horse Gap, down into Hightower Gap and then oh shit … literally. I came to a screeching halt, and after a few minute delay I was headed up Hawk Mountain, but life was not good. My stomach was not happy, I tried to nail down the cause … was it the  McDonald’s breakfast burritos, the waffles, the gels, the clif bars, or a combination of everything. I refuse to blame it on Ronald, well, because McDonald’s is awesome so I decided it must be the waffle I ate while climbing Sassafrass Mountain 😉


     After reaching Springer Mountain, and a couple more pit stops, I started to notice a trend, most all of the hikers I was passing were scowling at me or giving me the evil eye. By the time I was heading down the Approach Trail they were not even sharing the trail, just standing in the middle forcing me to go off trail to get around them. Just before reaching the bottom of Nimblewill Gap I ran into a group of 3 hikers, they all looked displeased that I was running on their trail.

“There was a lady with such a look of disgust on her face I feared she would ripped my soul out and stomp on it.”

     I didn’t say a word, politely step off the trail as I passed, but I crop dusted the hell out of the whole group!! Some might call this Karma, I don’t know about all of that, but it did make me laugh out loud once I was passed them 🙂 One slight flaw in my plan, I was still having GI issues and nearly soiled myself. I crossed Nimblewill road with my shorts around my ankle and made a b-line to the nearest tree. Success, but even if I had soiled myself it would have been worth it!!

     The rest of the run was rather uneventful, no more unscheduled pit stops, more more evil glances, only 600+ stairs to deal with. I’ve run these stairs many times and they still kick my ass every time I finish a long run with them, and today was no exception 🙂

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1 Response to Crop Dusting

  1. I love your unabashed love of Mickey-Ds… I was telling a friend that you ran 500 miles and she said, “how’d he do that!?” and I said… “I think he just ate a lot of McNuggets.”

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