Standing on top of Rich Mountain looking at a familiar landscape that I felt I was seeing for the first time. Two years ago a run up Rich Mountain was nothing special, just another day in the mountains doing what I loved, but today was different. Today I was able to do something that I thought that I would never be able to do again … I felt alive.
The mountains have always been a place of contentedness for me. I have visited them many times when I was lost and confused, and I have visited them many times when I was over flowing with love. The result is always the same, they accept me from who I am no matter what condition I am in.
Over the past year and a half I have felt lost more than I have not. I have struggled to find an understanding of who I am and what is happening to me. I fought and struggled until I was to tired and unwilling to continue. I accepted that my days of running were over, I accepted that I would never fully understand what had happened to me and what was still happening to me. I accepted that my future was uncertain. I stopped fighting and began only to exist. I was aware of what was going on, but no longer had a desire to understand why it was happening.
I am living day to day. I have good days and I have bad days. I have days filled with sadness and pain and I have days filled with happiness and joy. I do not know what tomorrow will bring and I am OK with that. I understand and accept that I will never be the person that I once was, even though I’m not sure who I am today or who I will be in two weeks. I do not know what the future holds for me. I do not know where I will be or what I will be doing in two days.
I am very grateful.